My Journey to Faith

My own journey to faith has been a long complex one.

My parents were raised in the church, but neither of them were really Christians. Furthermore my dad had a bitter experience in church when he was young that forever soured him to religion and he had absolutely no interest in it.

Mom believed in God and enjoyed watching Robert Schuller on TV, but her belief in God was mixed with
a hodgepodge of other things, including reincarnation. She was also a firm believer in 'to each his own.'
She thought that all paths led to God and that as long as one led a good life that was enough.

Despite this, God had His hand on me, because from the time I was little I instinctively sought Him. Very early on I had a deep curiosity and hunger for spiritual things. I loved Bible stories and was very curious about God. On the few occasions my mom or some other relative took me to visit a church or Sunday school, I always felt a strange yearning. I wanted something, although I had no idea what it was that I wanted.

God also protected me physically. When I was about four or five I was playing around a  road. (Not a smart thing to do I know!) I was on my hand in knees, in fact, when a car cam racing up and nearly hit me. In fact the brakes stopped only centimeters from my head. I've always felt that God was watching out for me that day.

Another time when I was about six I fell down some stairs,(very hard ones in fact) but again wasn't hurt.
Again I've always felt that was God protecting me.

As I grew older I came to think of God as a big friendly person in the sky. Since I was very shy and had no real friends I came to think of Him as someone who I could talk too.

But something was still missing and I started visiting different churches, searching for...something. Neither of my parents went to church, but I just sensed that I should go to one. I was only eight or nine, so one of my folks had to drop me off and pick me up.

The first church I tried was a First Baptist Church. I thought that the building was gorgeous (still do ) and I loved the music and the choir. But God must have given me some discernment, because despite everything that I liked about the church I still sensed that something was missing. The pastor talked about believing in God and following the Golden Rule, but that was pretty much it. I kept thinking that there should be more, but had no idea what.

Right on my street was a Unitarian church, but even though I had no idea what Unitarians believed, I never once felt the slightest inclination to attend their services.

An associate of my mom was a Jehovah's Witness and she gave me a Bible storybook. I loved the stories
and the art, but I still sensed that it was leaving something out. At the end of the book it was never clear
on how one could live in God's kingdom. It said to read the Bible and live in harmony with what one learned. I sensed somehow that that wasn't enough.

God also gave me protection in another area. From the time I was a year old I was absolutely crazy about books and I read everything I could get my hands on. I enjoyed reading about dinosaurs and prehistoric life, and yet my readings never made me think that Bible stories were untrue. As fascinated as I was with science, it was like a part of me sensed somehow that Bible stories would lead me to what I was looking for.

I loved fairy tales, Greek and Norse mythology (Still do ) and I was especially fascinated with ancient Egypt. But as fascinated as I was with the Greek gods, I kept noticing that the way they acted left a lot to be desired. (Constantly squabbling among themselves, being unfaithful to their spouses, taking mortal lovers and basically only caring about themselves etc).

I also loved magic; when I was little one of my favorite shows was 'Bewitched' and I was always wishing that I was a witch and could do such neat things. If Harry Potter had been written back then, I would have been a huge fan and would have wished that I could have attended Hogworts. And if I had ever found any books that taught one how to cast spells (which seem to be everywhere today ) I would probably have plunged right into them. But thankfully I never did.

In the end I came to know Jesus through reading a combination of Bible stories and Spire and Chick comics and tracts. I don't remember the exact age, but I think I was about 11. And I finally found what I had been searching for; a relationship with God. Not just to know ABOUT Him but to KNOW Him

Ever since then I've tried my best to walk with the Lord. I mess up a lot(who doesn't?) but He has always been faithful.

He's not only guided me, He's kept me alive. For most of my life I've suffered from emotional abuse and trauma, a mild form of Aspergers Syndrome, anxiety and depression. Not to mention a few recent cancer scares. If I didn't know God I would have killed myself years ago.  He's always been with me. He's given my life hope and meaning. And I know that He loves me.

Over the years Jesus has been about the only stable thing in my life and my closest friend. I love Him with all my heart and my heart's desire is to be with Him forever. He is my Lord, my Savior, my Bridegroom, my very life.